Sunday, March 22, 2009

Running Away...

"Sorry Dad, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't run away, I'm really really sorry..."I apologised to my dad while teardrops rolled and fell onto my guitar. Dad has been in coma for days, and i just couldn't help but cry, it was all my fault, wll because of me, running away, escaping from the truth. All i could do was to play with my guitar, and hope he'll be able to wake up from listening to the music i've played. Dad has been the best teacher ever, teaching me in how to play the guitar. No mater how busy he is, he would always fork out time to teach me, and every lesson is two to three hours.
But since younger brother was born, he had totally no time to spare. Not only he don't have the time to teach me guitar, we hardly speak to each other. Without dad's teaching, i gave up on guitar, jealous that his time spared is because of my younger brother and not for me. I hate my younger brother, i hate him totally to the core. He destroyed my everything, my hobby, time spent with dad, and even my mum is busy, spending every single moment with him. i was really furious, always having the thought of running away from home, but i really don't have the guts to do it, backing out every last minute.

Until the day when my mum was down with stomach cancer. Depressed, yet i had to help the family to carry on, trying not to burden my dad so much. Life was dreadful, i had to look after my two year old younger brother, household chores, school work and many others. I nearly suffocated! Dad was even busier than before, and till then, we were like total strangers, strictly nothing to talk about. Till mum's funeral, when we finally speaked to each other, and it was also the first time i saw him cried. he told me, "You got to be brave, as you are the elder sister. ", as=ll i could do was only to nod my head and say yes. Asking me to be brave, yet he was crying all over. He must have been really depressed over mum's death. But since then, he has changed, totally. He was always drunk and was home late. And he was never the dad i loved so much before. I had enough of everything, i was so frustrated with the current life. All i thought was to run away, run away from home, run away from all those stress. That night, i finally took my first step, leaving my younger brother in bed while i left on the desk, a note to tell my dad i was leaving. It was almost twelve and dad is still not back yet.

Leaving the house, i headed to nowhere, i had totally no idea where i was going. There, in the opposite road, i saw a familiar face, it was dad. He knew what i was going to do, run away. He shook his head and shouted, "No!", but i was too stubborn to even to listen to anything. What i want to do was just to run away! It was the best chance, i can't affored to lose it. As i turned to run away, i was relieved, thinking to myself, "Finally,I can finally run away." But as i was running, there was a loud "crash!" from behind. I was terrified, to see what i've imagined. I ran back immediately, and unfortunately, it was true, what i've imagined is now just in front of me. I burst into tears, running forward instead of of running away. "Dad! Wake up, you can't just die like that!" I shouted at the top of my voice. I regretted, totally. It was me, who landed him into this state. Afterall,he is still my dad, i shouldn't have run away and leave him in the lurch with all the stress and problems to face. Standing by the bed, i just can't help but with tears rolling. "Dad, I'm sorry, I promise I will never ever run away anymore. All i wish is that you could wake up now. Will you?..."


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